“When life is sweet say thank you and celebrate, and when life is bitter, say thank you and grow.”

The above quote is from one of my favorite writers, Shauna Niequist. I first read her book Bittersweet when I was in my first semester of college, thousands of miles from home, searching for a new community and new identity. It was the first truly transitional phase of life I had ever been through, and the words that Shauna wrote somehow became the thread that held me together during that phase of life.

Six years later and I find myself in another transition phase, once again in need of comforting words front loaded with honesty and inspiration.

I recently wrote a post on How to survive your early 20s, to which I got a handful of texts and emails from friends and peers that all seemed to mirror my own feelings and fears about being in our early 20s. I was both comforted and saddened by the thought that there are so many of us that feel like we’re struggling to find our place in the world, and to do so with the least amount of personal casualties possible.

When I brought this thought up to a mentor of mine she turned the conversation into one of gratitude and acceptance.

There was a study done that measured the level of personal happiness between individuals in their 20s and those in their 80s. I would have thought that with life coming to a close, their health deteriorating and more friends and peers passing away, those individuals in their 80s would have had a lower amount of happiness than people in their 20s. However, this study found the opposite. The main difference being: gratitude and acceptance.

It seems that the older we get, the better we are at being grateful for what we have, what is still in front of us and the experiences that have brought us to that point. It also seems that age brings the understanding and acceptance of those things we don’t have or cannot change.

So this becomes the real challenge- how do we begin to cultivate a spirit of gratitude and acceptance earlier in life? How do we embrace our fears and failures, and learn to see them in a positive light as growth and opportunity? While I am certainly no expert, this season I’m reminded of hard times in the past, and the things that got me through them.

1. Take Time to Notice

During difficult seasons of my life I’ve noticed that I want to rush through every minute, of every hour of every day in hopes that it will make my discomfort go away faster. But by doing that I also rush through all of the juicy moments of each day. I lose sight of the simple things that ground me and bring me joy- the way the light falls gently through the leaves, or the way clean sheets feel against my summer skin. A gentle moment between strangers, or perfectly sweetened iced coffee.

Instead of rushing through the hard parts of life, embrace them as an opportunity to fight back and acknowledge the sweet parts even more.

2. Start Keeping Track

In the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp, the author begins to make a list of all the things she is thankful for. It starts as a reminder that even though life has dark moments, there is still so much goodness to be thankful for, and then slowly transitions into a practice of intentionality. It’s amazing when you start to journal or keep track of these moments, you begin to notice things differently. Things that you didn’t know affected you the way they did, or brought you unexpected happiness. By beginning to collect these moments either mentally or on paper, you begin to see so many more glimmers of light and goodness that begin to bleed together.

3. Say “Thank You”

Like Shauna’s quote above, say “thank you”. I think it is so rare to really consider difficult moments in life as a blessing, but at least for me, those moments are some of the most transformative. They begin to define your character and direct your story. Without the failures and heartache things worth celebrating wouldn’t seem so important. I’m not saying that you’re going to be truly thankful that you’re laid off, or that you lose an important relationship, but in hindsight you might begin to understand why something had to change and how it’s [hopefully] affected you for the better. Stay Humble and say Thank You.

“Bittersweet is the practice of believing that we really do need both the bitter and the sweet, and that a life of nothing but sweetness rots both your teeth and your soul. Bitter is what makes us strong…Bittersweet is courageous, gutsy, earthy.”